Cats, chocolate, and planet Earth

Recently, my students were required to give presentations on a topic of their choosing. The instructions were simple: 3-5 minutes long with 2 minutes of questioning afterwards, make eye contact, don't read, and provide some type of visual aid. The possibilities for this assignment, then, were limitless. I mean, think of how much one could discuss with so few requirements...yet, somehow, one of my students sent me the following email:

"hie mr andrew.
im faezah mohd bakri from group 11.
i would like to change my oral's title from CATS: FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF SCEINCE AND MY OWN EXPERIENCES to FACTS OF CATS. the points ive found aren't really suitable with my first title."

I can't quite track her thought process exactly...because I don't know how the second title improves or changes anything she's said in the first. Nevertheless, I reluctantly complied and waited for a rousing presentation on cats, from the perspective of science and personal experience. My friends, if any one of you could be in the room during this presentation, I would probably lose it.

Another student comes up after class to provide me with her already-late presentation topic. When asked her topic, this clever girl, while sheepishly looking over at her friend Nor Faeqah, replies, "the mittos of chocolate." "The mittos?!" I replied. "Yes, yes, the mittos...you know... mitt," she answered. "Oh, right. Of course. 'The mythos of chocolate.'" Wheww! At least I figured out what she said--with the help of another student. "So," I said, "what is a myth about chocolate?" "You know, if we eat it, we will get fat," she said apprehensively. "Umm...thats not a myth...thats actually true. Are there any other myths about chocolate?" I said. "Yes, yes...if you eat it, you will get pretty," she quickly retorted. "What?" I laughed. "Thats not a myth!?! Are you just making these up?" Laughing and grinning, she said, "yes, yes."

Uh huh. Still, I have yet to be moved by any presentation topic. Perhaps one of the guys will have something better. So, I spoke with two guys later:
"What will your topic be?" I skeptically asked. "Salt," the Chinese Malaysian triumphantly replied. "Uh huh. And what will yours be?" I moved on to the next Malay. "Planet earth," he said in a veiled tone as if he knew that there was no way I could pass this. "Well, anything about salt or planet earth," I hopefully replied. "Yes, like how it raise blood pressure." "And, like the system and the planets," the other quickly clarified. I offered my approval and now must wait til the day of reckoning; when these two among many others must actually follow through with their poorly-thought through presentation choices of cats, chocolate, salt, and planet earth.